Never Once...

I've been thinking about the word "never". It's a pretty strong word. It's final and forceful and sure.  It's solid and pure in its meaning.  "not ever, at no time, not at all, absolutely not, to no extent or degree"  There it is...strong and solid.  There is not degree of doubt or waver.  It's just never.


In our journey with Malone we are still in a finding out stage and may always be.  There are still a lot of things that are unsure and unstable.  He is not sure about some things...actually quite a few things.  He can explain things to you verbally but has great difficulty putting them on paper.  He can explain a precalculus equation but is challenged to work the problem.  He is pressing on.  He will help coach the JV basketball team and continue his junior year again and his job.


This is not the life we thought it would be.   It was not what we thought was coming on the horizon.  It was not what we dreamed was in the future.


But what I am coming to realize is that on this road we have never been alone.  God never took his eyes off Malone or forgot about him.  This is part of His Jeremiah 29:11 plan for him because "His ways are Higher" than our ways.  And while it doesn't mean that as a Mom my heart doesn't ache and yearn for this to be easier, it does mean that I can rest in knowing than my God is faithful and true.  Always! 


This past Sunday God gave me a gift in a new song at church.  I had never heard it before and in my latest contemplations of the word "never" it was like God reached down and wrapped His arms around me and whispered...this is for you!


"Never Once"

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful 






We are still on this journey and are so grateful for God's faithfulness and the joy that each day brings.  We pray God will show us how to rejoice and that there will be continued healing.  Our prayer is also that others will hear our story and know that they are never alone.


We will rest in knowing that God NEVER leaves us, NEVER forsakes us, NEVER lets us walk alone!

A little child shall lead them....

This girl teaches me so much about how to love and how to live...

This was her last year in her school's production of Annie.  She was Molly.  She loves acting and singing and anything that goes along with the Theatre.

This season in her life there are many opportunities.  She tried out for a part in the church Christmas play.  She also got a part in the school Grandparent's day program.  She was going to try out for the school production of "Jungle Book" and when she came home from tryouts the conversation went something like this:

Me:  So how'd it go?
T: Good.  I told Mrs. Oliver I just wanted a little part.
Me:  What?
T:  I told Mrs. Oliver I just wanted a little part.  I mean I might get a big part in the church thing and I can't really do all that well.  And I might not get a part in anything at all.  But you know mom, it's really not about me.  (and here she went on to talk about how good so-and-so did and how she hoped so-and-so got a part)
Me: (In my head:  You told her what? and my flesh screamed "but you're so talented and good."

And then my spirit took over:  Hey Amy whoo hoo....yeah you! Did you even hear your child's heart?  She said "it's not about me"  She's talking about how great other people did and who she hopes gets a part.  Go back to that...encourage that...praise that!

And then my flesh said "but what if she gets nothing? what will that do to her?"

And the spirit I'm sure shook its head and threw up its hands but kept coming "Girrrllllllll....would you listen to yourself?  What if she got everything and it would be too much?  And do you not think God can handle it if she gets nothing?  And what kind of growth experience would it be for her?  Remember how much she grew when she didn't get a part in "Suessical"?

And so she got her part in Jungle Book as a wolf and as Hark in the Christmas program.  And she is beside herself.  I had the sweetest time with her last night discussing boys, life, growing up, friends, and mostly Jesus and God and the great, great love that He lavishes on us.  She had lots of questions and prayed a lot in my head for the answers God wanted her to have at this time in her life.

I am blessed and thankful!

So many reminders...and yet I have to be reminded again and again

"Day after day our God is reigning
He's never shaken
My hope is in the Lord
Time after time our God is faithful
Trustworthy Savior
My hope is in the Lord"

This past week and a half has been a difficult one emotionally.  Having the privilege to do what I do each day also means having the privilege and honor of knowing people well in some difficult times in their lives.  Not too long goes by that I'm not in the office when we divulge to a woman that her life will be forever marked by that day.   It will be a defining moment for her.  The first time she hears "it's breast cancer".

What I will assure you is that I work for two of the most compassionate medical professionals that I have ever met and they do this life changing appointment with so much grace and dignity that it is a thing of beauty if that is possible.

There are also days that people come to our office and hear that their only hope for more quantity of life and quality of life is amputation.  And again, this is handled beautifully by not only our physicians but the staff.

I wish these scenes were few and far between but as they are not I am thankful that God has given me a soft heart and tear ducts that could sometimes fix the drought in Texas I believe.  And yet, there are so many things that remind me time after time that God is faithful and trustworthy.

I met a lady who buried her daughter and a week later lost her house in the tornados last April and she said to me, "God has been good to us and is watching over us."  That is day after day faith.

I met a lady who is watched out for by her grown son that we have come to love at the office for his cheerfulness and love for his mother.  He died two weeks ago of a massive heart attack and her response was "when God says it's time, it's time."  That is day after day faith.

We have a patient who is an amputee and is always so cheerful and happy to be with us that it brightens our day.  He shines the light of Jesus even from his wheelchair.  That is day after day faith.

I want day after day faith.  Not just "when I think I need it faith."  I want to every day in every circumstance give thanks for what God has done, is doing, and is going to do...no matter what it looks like with earthly eyes.

This morning I arrived at my office to fresh baked pumpkin muffins with a note that said.  "You are loved.  Have a great day!"  I think I know the baker but I was mostly touched that God would send that friend and that reminder my way.

We are all loved. Bought with a price, Blessed, Redeemed!  And that ought to be more than enough for day after day faith.

This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength" Isaiah 30:15


I have been quiet since the middle of the summer.  At least on the blog and somewhat in my spirit.  But God has been speaking loud and clear to me and showing me more and more of his faithfulness and love for me and mine. And we are almost 9 months out from the accident so I wanted to give a quick update on Malone.


The above picture Malone took today of himself for an art project for school - self-portrait. He is one amazing young man and has done incredibly well under the circumstances.  It is still so hard to explain and I haven't found anyone yet who isn't amazed by the weirdness, for lack of a better word, of the injury.  He still has long term memory issues and short term ones.  Names are especially hard for him and math.  However, he is soldiering on.   He is working two jobs.  He is cooking at Findley's and learning much from his time there and likes it a lot.  He is also running the sound board at the radio station for his high school's football games.  His career interests are leaning heavy in that direction.  He is finding his way at school and laughingly calls it his "sunior" year.  There are still moments where I watch him stare into space and totally lose focus.  Those moments may always be.  He is seeking God and listening for direction for his life.  Can't ask for much more than that!


So, I am resting and still learning to release. And listening to the Lord and he is changing me from the inside out.  We continue to covet your prayers as we walk through this season of our lives and see what the future holds for each of our 5. Two of them turn 15 this week so that's a definite new chapter!