Turning 18 and Learning to Sail

All those sayings are true:  "Don't blink!", "Time flies", etc!  Malone turned 18 this week and it is so hard to believe.  I am incredibly proud of the young man he is and is becoming.  We are also a week away from the year anniversary of the accident and our lives (I believe his and mine in particular) will never be the same.  My prayer is that it will always be for the good and that we will continue to see how God has used this incident and time for His good in us and His glory above all.

I came across a saying that says "I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship."  I grew up going to Camp Thunderbird on Lake Wylie in South Carolina and one of my favorite activities each summer was sailing.  Even as an 8 year old we got to go with one or two friends on a sailfish by ourselves and sail.  The worst days at sailing were days with no wind.  You really can't do anything on a sailboat with no wind.

This saying sank deep into my heart as I realized that this past year I have learned a lot about sailing my ship.  I've learned to balance the needs of family and my job.  I've learned that I really really need Jesus...every time, all the time.  I've learned that the times of quiet are times to refuel because we will be called on to pour out again. There will be quiet and there will be storms and we learn best how to sail in the storms.  It's when we get to practice what we know to be true.

Some of you have so kindly asked about my blog.  I have been quiet for awhile for several reasons.  Malone is still on a journey.  His life is forever changed and I want to be respectful of where he is and what he is going through.  He is doing really well.  I don't know that I could have handled things as well as he has.  I am so grateful for the community we live and the prayers of the saints that continue to surround us.

I plan to blog more this year...about more than just Malone...

Never Once...

I've been thinking about the word "never". It's a pretty strong word. It's final and forceful and sure.  It's solid and pure in its meaning.  "not ever, at no time, not at all, absolutely not, to no extent or degree"  There it is...strong and solid.  There is not degree of doubt or waver.  It's just never.


In our journey with Malone we are still in a finding out stage and may always be.  There are still a lot of things that are unsure and unstable.  He is not sure about some things...actually quite a few things.  He can explain things to you verbally but has great difficulty putting them on paper.  He can explain a precalculus equation but is challenged to work the problem.  He is pressing on.  He will help coach the JV basketball team and continue his junior year again and his job.


This is not the life we thought it would be.   It was not what we thought was coming on the horizon.  It was not what we dreamed was in the future.


But what I am coming to realize is that on this road we have never been alone.  God never took his eyes off Malone or forgot about him.  This is part of His Jeremiah 29:11 plan for him because "His ways are Higher" than our ways.  And while it doesn't mean that as a Mom my heart doesn't ache and yearn for this to be easier, it does mean that I can rest in knowing than my God is faithful and true.  Always! 


This past Sunday God gave me a gift in a new song at church.  I had never heard it before and in my latest contemplations of the word "never" it was like God reached down and wrapped His arms around me and whispered...this is for you!


"Never Once"

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful 






We are still on this journey and are so grateful for God's faithfulness and the joy that each day brings.  We pray God will show us how to rejoice and that there will be continued healing.  Our prayer is also that others will hear our story and know that they are never alone.


We will rest in knowing that God NEVER leaves us, NEVER forsakes us, NEVER lets us walk alone!

A little child shall lead them....

This girl teaches me so much about how to love and how to live...

This was her last year in her school's production of Annie.  She was Molly.  She loves acting and singing and anything that goes along with the Theatre.

This season in her life there are many opportunities.  She tried out for a part in the church Christmas play.  She also got a part in the school Grandparent's day program.  She was going to try out for the school production of "Jungle Book" and when she came home from tryouts the conversation went something like this:

Me:  So how'd it go?
T: Good.  I told Mrs. Oliver I just wanted a little part.
Me:  What?
T:  I told Mrs. Oliver I just wanted a little part.  I mean I might get a big part in the church thing and I can't really do all that well.  And I might not get a part in anything at all.  But you know mom, it's really not about me.  (and here she went on to talk about how good so-and-so did and how she hoped so-and-so got a part)
Me: (In my head:  You told her what? and my flesh screamed "but you're so talented and good."

And then my spirit took over:  Hey Amy whoo hoo....yeah you! Did you even hear your child's heart?  She said "it's not about me"  She's talking about how great other people did and who she hopes gets a part.  Go back to that...encourage that...praise that!

And then my flesh said "but what if she gets nothing? what will that do to her?"

And the spirit I'm sure shook its head and threw up its hands but kept coming "Girrrllllllll....would you listen to yourself?  What if she got everything and it would be too much?  And do you not think God can handle it if she gets nothing?  And what kind of growth experience would it be for her?  Remember how much she grew when she didn't get a part in "Suessical"?

And so she got her part in Jungle Book as a wolf and as Hark in the Christmas program.  And she is beside herself.  I had the sweetest time with her last night discussing boys, life, growing up, friends, and mostly Jesus and God and the great, great love that He lavishes on us.  She had lots of questions and prayed a lot in my head for the answers God wanted her to have at this time in her life.

I am blessed and thankful!

So many reminders...and yet I have to be reminded again and again

"Day after day our God is reigning
He's never shaken
My hope is in the Lord
Time after time our God is faithful
Trustworthy Savior
My hope is in the Lord"

This past week and a half has been a difficult one emotionally.  Having the privilege to do what I do each day also means having the privilege and honor of knowing people well in some difficult times in their lives.  Not too long goes by that I'm not in the office when we divulge to a woman that her life will be forever marked by that day.   It will be a defining moment for her.  The first time she hears "it's breast cancer".

What I will assure you is that I work for two of the most compassionate medical professionals that I have ever met and they do this life changing appointment with so much grace and dignity that it is a thing of beauty if that is possible.

There are also days that people come to our office and hear that their only hope for more quantity of life and quality of life is amputation.  And again, this is handled beautifully by not only our physicians but the staff.

I wish these scenes were few and far between but as they are not I am thankful that God has given me a soft heart and tear ducts that could sometimes fix the drought in Texas I believe.  And yet, there are so many things that remind me time after time that God is faithful and trustworthy.

I met a lady who buried her daughter and a week later lost her house in the tornados last April and she said to me, "God has been good to us and is watching over us."  That is day after day faith.

I met a lady who is watched out for by her grown son that we have come to love at the office for his cheerfulness and love for his mother.  He died two weeks ago of a massive heart attack and her response was "when God says it's time, it's time."  That is day after day faith.

We have a patient who is an amputee and is always so cheerful and happy to be with us that it brightens our day.  He shines the light of Jesus even from his wheelchair.  That is day after day faith.

I want day after day faith.  Not just "when I think I need it faith."  I want to every day in every circumstance give thanks for what God has done, is doing, and is going to do...no matter what it looks like with earthly eyes.

This morning I arrived at my office to fresh baked pumpkin muffins with a note that said.  "You are loved.  Have a great day!"  I think I know the baker but I was mostly touched that God would send that friend and that reminder my way.

We are all loved. Bought with a price, Blessed, Redeemed!  And that ought to be more than enough for day after day faith.

This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength" Isaiah 30:15


I have been quiet since the middle of the summer.  At least on the blog and somewhat in my spirit.  But God has been speaking loud and clear to me and showing me more and more of his faithfulness and love for me and mine. And we are almost 9 months out from the accident so I wanted to give a quick update on Malone.


The above picture Malone took today of himself for an art project for school - self-portrait. He is one amazing young man and has done incredibly well under the circumstances.  It is still so hard to explain and I haven't found anyone yet who isn't amazed by the weirdness, for lack of a better word, of the injury.  He still has long term memory issues and short term ones.  Names are especially hard for him and math.  However, he is soldiering on.   He is working two jobs.  He is cooking at Findley's and learning much from his time there and likes it a lot.  He is also running the sound board at the radio station for his high school's football games.  His career interests are leaning heavy in that direction.  He is finding his way at school and laughingly calls it his "sunior" year.  There are still moments where I watch him stare into space and totally lose focus.  Those moments may always be.  He is seeking God and listening for direction for his life.  Can't ask for much more than that!


So, I am resting and still learning to release. And listening to the Lord and he is changing me from the inside out.  We continue to covet your prayers as we walk through this season of our lives and see what the future holds for each of our 5. Two of them turn 15 this week so that's a definite new chapter!

You'd think I'd learn...

So...Malone has been gifted a trip. It's a gift in so many ways. The past two summers he has had the incredible opportunity to travel to Orphange Emmanuel in Honduras to work. Incredible experiences with beautiful children of God. We have many pictures from both trips. Malone has no memory of either trip.

He will leave next Wednesday to return to Orphanage Emmanuel. He will be gone for 9 days. He's the only one in our family going. It's a gift because the trip was given to him all expenses paid. It's a gift just to get to go. Some people have said, "how wonderful that he might get the other memories back." To be honest, I'm just thankful he gets to make new ones.

His dad called me Monday and said, "we can't find his passport." I said,"I think it's at my house." Guess what? I couldn't find it anywhere. I looked everywhere I could think. And then I fretted. A lot.

I looked up online how to order a quick emergency replacement. Yes. That would be the best solution. Except...Malone was under 16 when he got his so you can't get an emergency one.

So last night I didn't sleep. Not much at all.

And then this morning it hit me. PRAY. So it went something like this: Lord, we know you ordained this trip and that you know he needs his passport. I also know you know where it is. So, care to share?

A few minutes later I felt told to go look under Malone's bedside table. And guess what? There was the passport!

I know God shakes his head in heaven at me a lot. That may be all the thunder lately. I'm sure he chuckles and says "my dear, why didn't you ask sooner? Would have saved you all that trouble and loss of sleep. Bless your heart!"

So maybe, just maybe next time I'll remember to pray sooner! And keep the thunder down...

The Most Important Things...

"The God who commends and cultivates our faith will sometimes lead us into painful places, into unreasonable places, and into places that simply do not make sense. Why? Because real faith has to outweigh our emotional comfort, our human logic, and our passion for understanding. When it does, the Object of our faith has become the most important thing in our lives." {Worship the King by Chris Tiegreen}

The past almost 6 months have not made much sense. Not much sense at all in a lot of ways.  For Malone in particular.  He was on his way to finishing his junior year.  His high school basketball team was headed on a track to a state championship.  He had a date to take the ACT.  We were looking towards college visits this spring and summer.  I was urging him towards prom so a girl would have a nice date. And then January 18 all that changed with a split second that seems still to make no sense, seems extremely unreasonable in the human realm.  Even now when I tell people about it, they look puzzled like I am speaking a foreign language. We now talk about "before the accident" and "since the accident".  It was a defining moment.

And then I read the quote by Chris Tiegreen and breathed a sigh and went "yeah" quietly in my soul.  It was like a gift to my heart.  I'm also listening to a podcast from Granger Community Church by Mark Beeson on "When Your World Falls Apart".  I say listening because I'm on round 3 of the podcast.  I love how sweet God is.  Mark talks about detours in your life and not wasting them.  He says what my heart has cried.  Something to the effect of "you wouldn't have chosen this, but now you wouldn't trade it."

So we are praying not to waste it.  Kinda of like that last drop of slushy that you move the straw around until it's just right so you can slurp it up.  Malone did go to Frontier Ranch in Colorado with Young Life and had an incredible experience.  He came home sure of his decision not to pursue playing varsity basketball.  It was a tough decision but he believes and I do too, the right one.  He has also been blessed with the unbelievable opportunity to return to Orphanage Emmanuel in Honduras at the end of July.  He has been twice before but has no memory of it.

The other great opportunity that has come up is for him to help with the Junior Varsity basketball team at Lee-Scott.  Coach Darden was Malone's coach and now is Simms' and asked Malone to help with practice last week and a camp and has asked if he would like to help during regular season.  One thing I love is that Simms is good with this and likes his brother being there.

Malone and I talked the other day about the challenges that he is still having.  He still has long term memory loss.  Those gaps do not bother him and he usually just shrugs when someone asks him if he remembers something.  The biggest challenge ahead is that he still has some short term memory challenges and when school starts back we will know more about what tactics he will need to combat those.  He knows he will need to work harder than he has before and need to ask his teachers for extra help probably.  Prayers in this area would be greatly appreciated.

We are forever thankful for all that God has done and continues to do.  We know that anything could have happened.  In my field, I am thankful for great healthcare.  I'm thankful for what insurance we have.  I'm thankful for all of you that have prayed and asked about him.  For all of you that have spoken to him and not cared if he recognized you or not. For the love and friendship.  For the most important things...