Blessings...

Blessings

by: Laura Story

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

And all the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause What if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing through tears

And What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear

We cry in anger when we can not feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

And what if trials of this life, are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win we know

The pain reminds this heart that this is not, this is not our home

It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy

And what if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise

8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,”

declares the LORD.

9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts. - Isaiah 55:8-9

Heard this song today for the first time.  Fortunate to work in a place where my boss plays XM the Message all day long so I'm surrounded by great scriptural truth through song all day long.

The words so spoke what my heart has strangely felt.  This journey has been long and really hard and there have been and continue to be many tears.  Just this morning was talking with a friend about what has been lost from an earthly perspective - but what gain! Malone has taught me so much about so much.  He continues to work really hard and even when it appears to be very frustrating for him...he still pushes through.

I have never felt God closer to me or felt more able to allow Him to take control.  We've really had no choice and Malone and I continue to talk about this gift, that no one would want.  This gift that we have been entrusted with that we are called to share.  And while our thankfulness is so inadequate...we will continue to be thankful in the ways we know how.

Just a quick progress update: In my last post I reported he was doing some subtraction in his head.  Yesterday they told me he is doing prealgebra in therapy - and nailing it!  We went and got all his school books yesterday.  I could tell he was glad to be in the building.  His principal said "this place looks better with you here."  He just grinned.

 

Two great quotes...and some scripture.

"You are stewards of Kingdom treasures.  The faith muscle only gets stronger when it's exercised.  Right where you are - is where you need to be.  Where you are is no accident. "  Mike Glenn: Every Moment Counts

"This is not God's plan B" a friend who is extremely wise

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."  John 33:10

We are right where we are supposed to be.  In this process, in this day, in this life.  This was not God's plan B for Malone (I so love this reminder from my new wise friend!)  Sometimes this is so hard to remember.  We all want to live in the "supposed toos".  Malone was supposed too go to prom this past weekend.  He was supposed to be finishing 11th grade.  I was supposed to be in better shape, supposed to have a cleaner house, better paying job, bigger car, nicer clothes, more newsworthy vacation.  Oh really?  Who says?  The world?  How reliable is that?

We are right where we are supposed to be.  I'm so happy to report progress and joy.  Malone is continuing to recover and find new skills along the way.  He's become quite the cook and launderer of his clothes.  He'd rather cook truth be told. 

One great example of his progress is that Katy and I were playing "Words with Friends" and she had played an incredible word and gotten ahead of me.  I asked him to check my phone to see if she had played her next turn.  He said, "don't worry mom, you're only 23 points behind Katy."  I said, "Did you figure that in your head?"  He just grinned and said "yeah"

Eight weeks ago he didn't know any numbers.  Six weeks ago he was relearning to count.  Four weeks ago he was adding on his fingers.  Now he's doing some math in his head.  He is definitely headed in the right direction.

We are 3 months out today from what I have decided is the most challenging thing that has ever happened in our lives.  If I'm really honest, it's also one of the best things as far as my walk with the Lord. 

There are still hills to climb and long trail to go on this journey.  If the experts are right, we are just halfway to recovery.  But THE EXPERT in heaven knows best what we need and how fast it will come.

We are thankful for this Plan A.

While we wait...

Sunday morning I took a notebook to church with me.  One of those empty journal type ones.  I hadn't used it in awhile.  I opened it when I sat down in the worship space and read these notes "Nothing is passive about patiently waiting for desire to turn into delight.  It doesn't mean that you do nothing.  Till faith becomes sight, trust God and do good."  Those notes were from a Beth Moore simulcast in August of 2009.  That long ago, God was teaching me truth that I would need now. Sort of makes you pay more attention doesn't it.  Never know what you will need, but the Lord does.

We went today to Spain Traumatic Brain and Injury Rehabilitation Center at UAB.  Funny though...we didn't have to wait much.  They had originally said it would be late July before we could get an appointment with Dr. Brunner.  They didn't know how many of you are praying.  They called Friday and said we had an appointment today at 1 pm.  We walked in, signed in and never got to sit down in the waiting room.  Dr. Brunner and his staff were very thorough and explained a lot of things.  They explained mostly about cell swelling and how it can take up to 6 months for the cell swelling to go away.  Dr. Brunner was very positive about Malone's progress, his plan for therapy and taking him off of all medications.

And so we wait.  Wait for more cell swelling to reduce.  Wait for more healing to take place.  Wait for more memories to return and more skills and abilities to be regained - and they are everyday.

But we are not passive.  Malone starts his 5 day a week therapy tomorrow.  So thankful for the staff at RehabWorks and their willingness to try new things and want his recovery as much as we do.  He so loves all of them.  So thankful that their office and mine are adjacent to each other so that he can come right down to my office when he is done or even to eat lunch with me sometimes when he has an hour break between therapies.

And we continue to pray and give God the glory for every little memory regained, every process relearned, every day.  It's all a gift and we are blessed.

About to bust....

  ^1-2 Walking down the street, Jesus saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked, "Rabbi, who sinned: this man or his parents, causing him to be born blind?" ^3-5Jesus said, "You're asking the wrong question. You're looking for someone to blame. There is no such cause-effect here. Look instead for what God can do. We need to be energetically at work for the One who sent me here, working while the sun shines. When night falls, the workday is over. For as long as I am in the world, there is plenty of light. I am the world's Light."

 ^6-7He said this and then spit in the dust, made a clay paste with the saliva, rubbed the paste on the blind man's eyes, and said, "Go, wash at the Pool of Siloam" (Siloam means "Sent"). The man went and washed—and saw.  John 9

I know I went awhile and didn't post and now here come two in just over 12 hours but I'm about to bust.  I got up this morning and was curled up on the couch checking twitter and facebook updates and got finished and was just praying kinda "now what Lord? what for Malone? and why Lord? why did this happen?  I really have no blame for any person in my heart by why him? and really what now and what's next?"  and I thought to go to the story of Jesus healing the blind man with mud.  And the above verse is what I came to when I searched "Jesus mud" at www.biblegateway.com.

As hard as this all is...it is for God's glory! And from the beginning Malone and I have talked about all along giving him the glory for it.  The title in the Message translation of the above passage is "True Blindness".  Sort of made me grin a bit at how blind I am about things and how much I want to make things about me in my self-centeredness when it's never about us at all - It always come back to the One and Only - the thing we were all created to do - give Glory to God!

The healing story I was thinking I was going to find was this one:

²² They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. ²³ He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man’s eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?”

 ²⁴ He looked up and said, “I see people; they look like trees walking around.”

 ²⁵ Once more Jesus put his hands on the man’s eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly.   Mark 8

So next I went here and in reading this remembered how it was explained to me one time that in this story this man's healing didn't come all at once.  It took Jesus two applications.  It took steps of action.  Rehab if you will.

I was reminded in a comment on my last post by someone I've admired for more years than I can count to basically be mindful of all the small miracles. She was so wise as she always is - one of the many reasons I admire her.

Here are just a few of the things that are small miracles:

• he knows who I am (admitted to me a few weeks ago he had know idea who I was for about probably the first 5 days, just figured he could trust me because I had been there from the beginning)
• he can count now
• he made a purchase over the weekend with his debit card
• his desire to improve and get better is amazing
• he will try whatever the therapists throw at him
• he likes to fish now - never did that before
• he's showing us how to not take little things for granted like being fascinated by how things work
• he did not lose his knowledge of God or salvation
• he loves being with his friends
• he is still his compliant self and is routine oriented which is very helpful in his healing

The list could go on and on...my miracle is that I'm really trying to be more focused on what's really important this side of heaven.  I think for me, it boils down to this "Love God, love people".  For now I'm trying to stick there...and be thankful for the miracles in my life.

We are still believing...

Scattered words and empty thoughts

seem to pour from my heart

I've never felt so torn before

seems I don't know where to start

but it's now that I feel Your grace falls like rain

from every fingertip, washing away my pain

I still believe in Your faithfulness

I still believe in Your truth

I still believe in Your holy word

even when I don't see, I still believe

I know I haven't updated in what feels like forever. Spring break came and went and we all needed a bit of a break from some things.  But rehab doesn't stop, nor should it.  We have found and continue to find areas of growth and healing and areas of challenge and need.  There are also some interesting personality changes.  None of them bad which is a blessing! Praise God!

Malone decided he wanted a fishing pole.  He's never had an interest before...ever.  So we set out on a trip to make that purchase and it was in that quest that I saw what had been explained to me earlier in the week about his processing challenges.  He had two gift cards and had trouble figuring out that he needed to add the two amounts together to know how much he had to spend.  He then counted on his fingers to get to the sum of $40.  As I mom, I have to admit that watching my 17 year old in the middle of Dick's Sporting Goods go through this I became quite tearful but then I was reminded that just 3 weeks ago...he couldn't even count.

We have much to be thankful for.  His team at RehabWorks in Opelika is phenomenal and their goal is to work with him as much as they can and move him forward as fast as possible.  To that end he will start having rehab 5 days a week next week for 3 hours a day and 2 of those days for 4 hours at least.

We are definitely praying for a full recovery and believe that God can do that.  We know that God loves him more than we ever could even though that is hard to fathom.

It is very hard to understand because if you spend time with him, as his friends who have would tell you, he's the same old Malone. He has pushed through some tough days and we know there are more to come.  It's hard as his mom to watch.  Hard to know when to push him more and when to let him be.  I'm praying for wisdom in that area.

I see God using this in a lot of ways...teaching me...to rely on him and run to him first and foremost. He is big enough for all of this and more.

Small potatoes

2 Corinthians 4:17-18 (The Message)

So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.

Really trying to focus on the small potatoes and think of them as french fries...even though they feel like HUGE IDAHO SPUDS!  Just came from a discussion about Malone's progress and options.  What we know is this...this is a long journey. A marathon of great proportion. Not a short sprint.

There are lots of things to consider and lots of decisions to make big and small. 

But the greatest thing we know is this:  "not a day goes by without his unfolding grace."

We have grace for today and what it brings.  Grace for the good, the bad and the ugly.  And as Mandy Smith has taught me to say "God is still God and God is still good."



Information and a confession...

We are back from Malone's appointment at Spain Traumatic Brain Injury Center for psychometric testing.  The entire appointment took just over 3 hours and was very informative.  There was some really good stuff and some stuff I wanted to stick my fingers in my ears and scream "lalalalala can't hear you!" when Dr. Wright was talking to us.

Here's the good stuff:

• he's doing well remembering when he hears something (could repeat 14/16 words even after 30 minutes)
• he's attending to details in drawings so no evidence of something called "neglect" in his brain
• his ability to center things is intact (where's the middle of a line no matter the length of the line)
• simple problem solving was average
• he is retaining information newly given to him/newly learned (huge progress)
• we are moving in the right direction no matter how slowly

Here are the areas of challenge:

• on the repeating the words - he struggled if you asked him was a word in the list and gave him some that were and some that weren't
• fine motor from a strength issue is way weaker than expected

and the one that brought me to my knees

• on the depression testing they consider a score of 16 "depressed" and Malone's was almost doubled that (read:he's been faking it really well)

So we came home from Birmingham and I'm in the house alone and I laid on the bed and cried for bit.  Feeling totally overwhelmed by the discussion of new meds and educational decisions and therapies and just mostly brokenhearted over my boy's brokenheartedness over what has happened to him. At a time in his life when in our earthly minds we think "He should be taking college boards and asking a girl to prom and making summer plans." And what we were told today is he is having so much trouble putting pen to paper and he is so sad but hasn't talked to us about it.  And I think "what have I done wrong and where do I go from here?"

And God whispered to me "I got this."  He said, "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." (Isaiah 40:11) "I've got him Amy.  Malone is my lamb too and I have him close to my heart and it's ok that he is sad. You are the "those that have young.  I got this."

So my confession is this.  I'm really not ok with all this.  Let me be clear that I'm not mad or anything like that.  It's just that this is really really hard.  And it's ok for it to be hard and it's ok not be ok.  God is so teaching me to let him have this and let him have Malone.  If things were always easy, we wouldn't need to fall at Jesus feet or run to him when we are scared.  So for today, in my flesh, I'm really not ok but in my spirit...I'm choosing peace...

We will have Dr. Wright's full report by the end of the week and know more what direction to go with a plan.  We are so thankful for all the love and prayers!