Desires of our hearts...

Just got done with Malone's senior photo shoot.  Amazing, remarkable and healing are all words I would use to describe the time we spent with Scott and Deb Fillmer out at their farm.  Malone laughed and joked in his dry sense of humor like I haven't seen him do in a long time.  I do believe there has been so much healing and that he is breathing somewhat of a sigh of relief to finally be starting his senior year.  It's like we were in a holding pattern all of last year.  I want to get impatient and I forget that the Lord is always up to something during these times.

I have been praying for a long time for all of our kids not only that God would give them the desires of their heart, but that their hearts would be aligned with His heart for them.  Not gonna lie...the past year and a half have been overwhelmingly difficult,  mostly for Malone but also for those closest to him.  His heart has beaten the beat that matched the dribbling of a basketball for a very long time. Like since he was 5.  He literally for awhile, slept with a basketball in his bed.  He has had dreams of still moving forward with basketball big in the picture.  This is where it becomes hard as his Mom not to dash his dreams but also help him to be realistic...and so I said nothing.  To him.  I just prayed and prayed.

And the other day Malone said two things to me and one of them was "Mom, I just don't have the passion for basketball that I did before.  I don't hate it or anything but it's just not as fun."  Thank you Lord for hearing this mom's cries and doing "more than we can think to ask."  That is huge healing in him because I believe it's a release of a thing that was still having a hold on him.

The other thing he said that ranks about the same on the remarkable scale was "Mom, I like school.  It's not hard like it was last year."  Again, thank you Lord for answered prayers.  I watched Malone Friday run in with the LSA flags on Friday at the pep rally (there are no pictures because I apparently had something in my eyes that was making them water).  More healing as he is happy to be at his school where he is in his 15th year, surrounded by people who love him and are FOR him.  Just like Jesus "If God is FOR us, (and He most definitely is) then who can stand against us."

May the Lord grant me the desires of my heart, but first align them with His heart for me!

How Great Thou Art!

And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing;
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!


It's been a few months since I've been on here.  I've needed some time to step away and reflect and some time to let some things settle.  God is stirring in me...always stirring.  It seems lately it's a "KitchenAid blender on 10" kind of stirring...other times it's a slow "wooden spoon in the sweet tea" kind.


Almost 22 years ago we had "How Great Thou Art" sung at my dad's funeral.  Funny, I didn't think God was so great that day. (don't gasp...it's ok...God can handle it...He doesn't need my approval)


The words have come to mean so much to me over the years.  


The stirring God has been doing is in my burdened soul. I find myself burdened right now for many things.  I'm burdened for a childhood friend fighting cancer, for my own sweet 10 year old who is battling migraines, for my 14 year old bonus who deals with Chrohn's, for my 15 year old and my bonus 15 year old just being challenged with walking in this world but not of it, for the amazing 18 year old that continues to heal day by day, little by little and amazes us all, and specifically today for a sorority sister whose son was greatly injured in a golf cart accident that took the life of his best friend.  I could go on and on and on...


God spoke in the stirring this morning and all I could remember of the song was "my burden gladly bearing."  To be honest, at that point I couldn't even remember what song it was from.  I had to google it.  But God spoke in the stirring and said to my heart that it wasn't just my sin that he gladly bore on the cross, but the everyday burdens.  The big and the little burdens.  The major and the minor burdens.  He gladly bears them.

For some reason, it made me think about when I come home with a car full of groceries and I yell in the house for everyone to come help.  Some come willingly and gladly.  Some, not so much and need much prompting. (It changes each time who it is and that's not the point.)  The point is this...God gladly bears it ALL.

gladly : acquiescently, ardently, beatifically, blissfully, blithely, cheerfully, cheerily, contentedly,cordially, delightedly, delightfully, ecstatically,enchantedly, enthusiastically, felicitously, freely,gaily, genially, gleefully, gratefully, heartily,jocundly, jovially, joyfully, joyously, lovingly,merrily, paradisiacally, passionately, pleasantly,pleasingly, pleasurably, rapturously, readily,sweetly, warmly, willingly, with good grace, withpleasure, with relish, zealously, zestfully

I love the synonym that says "with good grace" because that's what he does for you and for me...with all our burdens.  I know He will keep stirring me and I hope He never stops.

And so we wait...

"And we watch and we wait and we hope and we pray You will come and make all things new!
And we won't be afraid as we long for the day you will come and make all things new!"

I keep reciting this as I know that God can do all things. I am in a season of...I'm not sure what to call it right now except close to the edge of overwhelmed.

After a conversation with a friend about my blog, I reread last night and this morning about this journey and this jumped off the page at me "God knows how long.  God did not doze off on us.  He did not accidently look away.  He was not texting and not paying attention at the time.  He knew.  As Max Lucado says "He authors all itineraries.  He knows what is best.  No struggle will come your way apart from his purpose, presence, and permission."
Such comforting words in this season...on this journey."

This is still true...I guess I just didn't think it would be this long and with some other other things piled on top. As my sweet cousin reminded me..."God doesn't give us more than we can handle...doesn't mean you want to hold it all."

I am thankful for those who shore me up and continue to pray for us. We will continue to watch and pray. More doctors appointments this week...

Rivalry - a word that packs a huge punch!

Two weeks ago, my kids' school played their rival in basketball at our gym.  It is always an emotionally charged time whenever these two schools meet for any reason whatsoever.  The varsity boys team from our school was ranked number one in the state.  Their team beat our team at the buzzer by 2 points and then their students stormed our court and chanted "We own Lee-Scott" over and over again until finally they left, out a back door. (very wise move by our administration). 

This past Friday night our school was slated to go to their school to play.  The social media chatter had been at an extremely high level.  They tried to trend "weownleescott" on twitter.  Lee-Scott Varsity Boys not only needed to win to get back their number one ranking but they needed to win by at least 3.  They were down by 13 at half-time and it didn't look good.  The two student sections were in opposite corners of the gym and it was loud and there were a lot of back and forth cheers. One of our parents encouraged a foul called by a referee and the aunt of the player the foul was called on told our parent to sit down and close her mouth.  (that's the cleaned up version for the blog).

I'm going to post a picture of our JV cheerleaders watching their cheerleaders perform.  I want to preface this by saying that the JV cheerleaders in this picture that I personally know are outstanding, growing young women.  They are learning how to follow Christ, just like you and me.  They are usually extremely gracious in their observation of other squads and have friends at most of the other schools that they play.  I say all that because I posted this picture at their request on Facebook and some people might have felt the need to criticize them.  

Just after this picture was taken they came over and we showed it to them.  They had no idea they were standing like this watching - staring - at the other squad.

This picture has really made me think yesterday about rivalries.  The definition of a rivalry is

the act of competing as for profit or a prize;

But some synonyms are: competition, competitiveness, vying, opposition, struggle, conflict, contest, contention, duel, antagonism, emulation 

All of this makes me think about what do I compete for? What do I vy for? What do I struggle for? 



And what should I be vying for, stuggling for?  And of course scripture has the answer...


Hebrews 12:2-3
"Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!"


Competition is not bad.  But when it gets under our skin and causes us to speak in an unwholesome or negative manner, when it causes us to choose to hate and not love, when our actions are against the competitor and not for the victory...then we allow Satan to use that competition as a tool to turn something that we could give God glory for into something dark and ugly.  


When it all comes down...in light of all eternity...it really won't matter that Lee-Scott won on Friday night 72-66 and gained back their number one ranking.  No one will even remember.  


I don't compete athletically anymore but I'm still very competitive. I'm praying that I will remember this lesson the next time I'm competing for attention or position or to be heard. I'm really trying to "keep my eyes on Jesus..."

Turning 18 and Learning to Sail

All those sayings are true:  "Don't blink!", "Time flies", etc!  Malone turned 18 this week and it is so hard to believe.  I am incredibly proud of the young man he is and is becoming.  We are also a week away from the year anniversary of the accident and our lives (I believe his and mine in particular) will never be the same.  My prayer is that it will always be for the good and that we will continue to see how God has used this incident and time for His good in us and His glory above all.

I came across a saying that says "I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship."  I grew up going to Camp Thunderbird on Lake Wylie in South Carolina and one of my favorite activities each summer was sailing.  Even as an 8 year old we got to go with one or two friends on a sailfish by ourselves and sail.  The worst days at sailing were days with no wind.  You really can't do anything on a sailboat with no wind.

This saying sank deep into my heart as I realized that this past year I have learned a lot about sailing my ship.  I've learned to balance the needs of family and my job.  I've learned that I really really need Jesus...every time, all the time.  I've learned that the times of quiet are times to refuel because we will be called on to pour out again. There will be quiet and there will be storms and we learn best how to sail in the storms.  It's when we get to practice what we know to be true.

Some of you have so kindly asked about my blog.  I have been quiet for awhile for several reasons.  Malone is still on a journey.  His life is forever changed and I want to be respectful of where he is and what he is going through.  He is doing really well.  I don't know that I could have handled things as well as he has.  I am so grateful for the community we live and the prayers of the saints that continue to surround us.

I plan to blog more this year...about more than just Malone...