Monday, February 8, 2010

Talk about a Wild Glorious Ride

Starting back in November, Simms (13) began to pass know the "normal" "hey, I'm gonna pass out" and then he'd be out for 30-45 seconds and then back to normal in about 5 minutes after he came to. It happened about 17 times between the middle of November and the end of December. I diligently recorded every episode including where he was, what he was doing, and what time it was. There was no pattern- at all. So we pressed with the pediatrician who called the cardiologist who did a cath 2 years ago and he didn't feel that it was heart related and so we got what we felt like was nowhere. Anyway...after a long time and some help from a physician friend we headed down the "this might be seizures" road and went to Birmingham to have an EEG. It was normal. The next week during an episode, Simms' wonderful math teacher put him on the floor and put his feet up and he didn't go all the way out, thus giving us another clue that he could interrupt the episodes. Now we were on the road back to the cardiologist. We saw him two Fridays ago and he was fabulous....Neurocardiogenic Syncope is the diagnosis. Basically Simms brain is sending signals to his heart rate and blood pressure that make him crash. Right now we are trying to keep him very hydrated and increase his dietary salt so that he will retain the fluid. The theory is that even though the signal will still come, when his blood pressure drops the vessels will not be able to constrict all the way because they will be well hydrated. So far he has still had a couple of episodes but they said to give it a couple of weeks. I'm a bit concerned about his weight since he's full of water all the time. They will work with us to adjust what needs adjusting.

In the middle of all this I found a lump. In my right armpit. It didn't hurt. I just watched it for about 4 weeks. I was hoping it would go away. I was also wearing my mom hat and the hat was really big at the time. It was all I could wear and all I could carry. Last Monday I saw my internist. He said he wished it hurt. He said I needed to see a surgeon. It scared me a lot. I knew God was not surprised. I know God has a plan for everything...even little ol' me. But it was still scary. I saw the surgeon on Thursday and he was less concerned but wanted an ultrasound to see what we were dealing with. He said he wouldn't be concerned. I felt better but still wanted to know. I had an ultrasound on Friday where they drew on me with a sharpie and circled the lump. They couldn't get it to show on the ultrasound at all. It's like it isn't there. You can see it and feel it but it's like it's not there...Still processing this for spiritual object lesson.

The lesson I do have now is that God loves me...not more than He did before but just the same. Always has and always will. He is constant. My Redeemer is faithful and true and steady and constant. In the midst of medical issues and great unknowns. He is faithful and true. When we don't have answers. He is faithful and true. When we can't "see". He is faithful and true. When we are scared...and it's ok to be. He is faithful and true. When we are unfaithful and untrustworthy. He is faithful and true.

On this Wild Glorious Ride...He is faithful and true.

20 minutes at a time

Yesterday I lived my life 20 minutes at a time. Running watch and all. Reset every 20 minutes.

It's amazing what you can accomplish in 20 minute blocks:

Laundry loads shifted out and folded

Learned a little about Google wave (still have lots to learn)

Kitchen cleaned up

Conversations on specific topics

Refrigerator in the laundry room cleaned (like each shelve taken out and washed!)

And several other things....

All of this was because Malone had all four of his wisdom teeth out and we were advised ice on/ice off every 20 minutes. So also in there were times of trying to find something cold he could eat and get him to take his pain medicine and antibiotic. He was a trooper. He didn't sleep all day which surprised me. I thought I would have to wake him up but he was up. Fortunately, he slept all night and is still asleep. I did wake him enough at 3 am to give him more pain meds.

One conversation he and I had was that pain is a gift. He said that. But we also talked about how no one really wants that gift. As I read Facebook updates and Twitter updates I see so many needs and concerns and hurts and I realize again and again that there is a LOT of pain in our world. Physical, mental, emotional, relational, etc.

But pain is what drives us to the end of ourselves and to the throne of Grace where only the Great Physician can take the mess of us and heal and cure and forgive. But it takes work on our part too. Surrender work and turning work and choosing work.

For Malone today will be a day of work and he hopes of more food. He's looking forward to football on TV, but not all the food commercials!

Shower Doors

Anybody else out there have old shower doors? We have them in the master bathroom and I have always hated cleaning them. Hated it so much that I put it off...put it off a lot! I was thinking about it today as I sprayed them down with Clorox Clean up TWICE and then scrubbed them and cleaned off the junk. It's like they are clean or semi-clean one day and then down right filthy the next. I think I ignore them as they are getting dirty. I see the little bit of scum but think "It's not too bad" and then WHAM the next morning it's like the Crud Monster moved in over night.

I've been really trying to focus on what I can learn and apply in my walk with the Lord from everyday things and here's what I think I learned today. Sin is like the crud on the shower doors. In a Christian's life it creeps in little by little and we tend to ignore it because it seems so small - maybe it's an attitude or a thought or the lack of doing something we know we should do - and it builds up over time. It builds a wall, brick by brick, between us and the Lord and between us and the ones we love.

Still processing this. But the shower is clean...for now...will have to be diligent about it or it will get dirty again. Got my eyes wide open for the Crud Monster. Don't want him moving back in!

Hello World

Well, here we go! First blog post ever...just finding a yearning to begin to journal this wild glorious ride we are on in our lives. The ride I am on. The Lord is showing me so much in this time in my life and I am realizing that I don't want to miss a thing or forget any of it and I want my kids to be able to go back and read all this and see what God did in this time in their lives. It's overwhelming to be a mom and watch how God is growing them and me through them...if that makes any sense at all.

These last few days there have been several occasions to point others (kids and my BGF) to rehearsing the truth so I think I'll start there. Here's what I know:

I am blessed beyond anything I deserve.

I have a husband who loves the Lord and serves on a daily basis and wants others to see and feel that joy.

I have three fabulous children who God is growing into incredible followers of His.

I have two incredible bonus kids that I have the privilege and blessing of being a part of their lives too.

I have a great mom who lives close by and is a big blessing in our lives.

I have a roof over my head, food on my table, clothes to wear and my basic needs met.

I am grateful!